Saturday, October 27, 2012

Steering in the Dark

I've been listening to a lot of positive stuff in the last month, forty plus hours of it in fact. I signed up for SARK's newsletter quite a while ago, and she often gives great recommendations for those who want to experience creativity beyond limitations, and that's how I came across the marvelous series I just listened to.

Each day, a new speaker, including SARK, would come on and give a two hour discussion about how she, or he, changed her/his life and what exercises she/he developed to do so. It was fascinating and I learned a lot. I learned the brain is malleable and can change according to the thoughts and perceptions we put into it. I learned that each of our lives has a design, a matrix, that can sometimes hold us in old beliefs systems and thought patterns that do not serve us, but can be changed.

Then, after the month was over, and after using many of the terrific tips, like repeating phrases to remind yourself when you want to release an old pattern and shift, such as, "Who does that  belong to?", I crashed a little--for about two days. I went back into the scary place, but it was with the new knowledge I had, and I have learned that the most important key to removing negative patterns is staying in the present moment. By staying in the present moment and just feeling whatever feelings are coming up, we can release our ego, which is basically our bound up old beliefs, many of which do not serve us and are free to go, if we recognize this and let them.

After two days I came out of the heavy feelings of fear, sadness, and anger and felt very uplifted, I felt a profuse amount of love and lightness, and infinite possibility. Nothing in my life had changed greatly, but I think what happened was I reached a point of acceptance, and from this place I opened up to gratitude for the life I have.

This morning I drove my son to high school in the dark, at 6:30, so he could arrive early to take a bus to Boston and walk the Freedom Trail. Again, gratitude and  lightness filled me, though I was surrounded by the darkness. I noticed things I had not before and appreciated them. I appreciated the lit up windows in the homes I drove past and the fact that people were arising to begin a new day. I saw things for a brief moment in a different way, and imagined that if I had arrived here from another planet, I might think about how pleasant this place I was in seemed, sweet little constructs of goodness and routine with the best of intentions, as around me, people arose and moved to create their day before them.

At the same I was aware that patterns and matrixes and belief systems serve a purpose, but can also be observed and redesigned from within, that it is a good idea to see things differently from time to time, that it fills us with hope and newness.

A week later I had this dream:

It is pitch black and I am driving a familiar road. Driving this road and not being able to see a thing is also familiar. I try to make out shapes around me so I can stay on the road and not hit anything, but it is pure black. I know the feel of the road, and know, because I have navigated in the dark before, I can probably do so safely now. Then the sky lightens up enough that I can see the outlines of mountains, cliffs, and trees.. I feel fearful but decide to look the darkness in the eye and ask to be shown the meaning of this dream. I feel prepared to accept the message and fearless. 

The very next night I have this dream:

I am in a new home with my family. The home is comfortable and has all we need. The rooms are bright and spacious, with hard wood floors. I have plenty of furniture and lots of options for arrangement. I notice that there is a changing table set up in my bedroom along a wall, and that I can actually get rid of it and put a dresser there. I choose a white one from my spare room. I also notice another wall with an oval mirror where I can put this dresser, it will give me more space next to my bed. My old home is in the back of my mind but it does not bother me that I have moved. 

We have choices about how we navigate our life. If we find ourselves feeling dark, we can just observe, not judge, and go about our day confident that within ourselves we have a light that will illuminate the way.